Fading Illusion
by Muzzy-Olorea
Summary: [PM] At the end of Spiderman 2, we see MJ at the window. These are her thoughts … is she having doubts about her choice and how much Peter loves her? Life was going to be so complicated now…


**Fading Illusion**

**At the end of Spiderman 2, we see MJ at the window. These are her thoughts .... is she having doubts about her choice and how much Peter loves her? Life was going to be so complicated now...**

**A/N:- This is my first ever attempt at writing in the 1st person POV and also my first Spidey fic. Please Review!**

_This Chapter is Dedicated to:_

_Peter and MJ shippers everywhere!_

I watch him go off and it feels like a dead weight is resting on my heart. When he and I are together then everything is all right, but as soon as he's gone there's nothing. I know it's going to be like this every time the inconspicuous, unlikely hero turns into Spiderman and goes off to save the world .......It's something I'll have to live with, I guess. I've made my choice now. And it's the right one – I know it is. But somehow I know I would have had an easier life if I had just played by the rules and actually shown up at my own wedding, instead of running away to an insecure future.

Not totally insecure. When he holds me, I know that he'll never let me come to any harm. After all the boy-next-door, Peter Parker, who had had a crush on me since, like, forever, did not tell me that he was the hero in the Spiderman suit who came to save me regularly, in order to protect me. And now I was going out of my way to avoid being protected – was it fair to expect him to have to worry about me particularly when he's got the rest of the world to save?

Fair or not, I'm following my heart this time. Either my brain's not functioning or it's finally given up fighting the war against my heart. I know that I want to be with him, have to be with him, need to be with him. And I know he needs me too. The way he looked at me for all these years, and the nervous smile he gave when he did not know what to say. Was I that unapproachable? Or was he too considerate that if he asked me to the Prom, I might reject and ruin our friendship. In High School, I probably would have refused to go with Peter Parker if he had asked me. It was not that I was one of those snobby, obnoxious little madams who laughed at all the nerds, Peter was my friend. But there was a line then and I did not want to cross it – I tried using my head and my head told me that I loved riding in cool, expensive cars and having lots of friends .....not that going out with Peter would have meant that I had to give that up. If these people were my friends then they would have stuck by with me whether I'd gone to the Prom with Peter or Ryan Williams ..... It was just Peter was Peter back then ....... and then there was Harry Osborne, Peter's friend. It was then that I really realised how nice a guy Peter was and how much he obviously like me, but then Harry came along and he was cute and funny, and when he asked me, I said 'Yes'. Was my subconscious telling me that this was an opportunity to spend more time with Peter without things getting awkward?

And then came Spiderman. He was like the most charming gentleman ever who did not have to wear a suit to impress the ladies......... I was so flattered and overcome with so much emotion when he chose to save me again and again and that kiss .................I thought I was in heaven, it was like I had totally fallen in love and found my soul mate. I tried to reason with myself – I knew nothing about this guy, and even if I did, he was like this other creature who would never settle down and want to be there for me in all other ways apart from saving my life .... Spiderman was a dream.

But then there was Peter Parker and with him, it was not a dream but a reality. He still liked me a lot and he was always there, so easy to talk to, especially when I was arguing with Harry. And he was actually quite cute when he took his glasses off. That day at his Uncle Ben's funeral, he looked so sad, so dejected like he was carrying a huge weight on his shoulders – and it was not just because he had lost someone who was like a father to him – it was something more, an internal struggle. When he was standing up there on the hill by the grave, my heart went out to him and the desire to kiss him was stronger than ever ..... I kissed him. He kissed me back and there was no denying the fact that he had obviously wanted to do that for some time. It was passionate and wonderful, so when he pulled away and told me that we could only be friends I was stunned – he did not even give me a reason, and I had always thought that this was what he had wanted for so long .....

That was not the only thing that had bothered me .... it was the kiss itself..... when I had kissed Peter, I had felt the same exhilarating rush that I had only felt before when I had kissed Spiderman .....something was nagging at me. Deep down my brain was struggling to put two and two together, find out the source of the familiarity. Had I known, in the depths of my heart that the two people who I loved were actually the same person?

I love him, I really really do. Both sides of him: the shy, cute, nervous-looking boy-next-door and the super fast, super cool brave hero. The two sides of Peter are always there for me – whether I need to talk or whether I'm busy playing the part of damsel in distress and in need of rescuing. There's no way that I'm having second thoughts ... it's just things are not as simple as I thought they were when I ran out of the church. It was like running out on my old life where everything was straightforward. Things would be so much more complicated from now on. I'd have to face the press, face the hatred of Spiderman's enemies, always be on my guard, and what about my career? Was the ideal life that I thought I could have with the man I loved just a fading illusion now?

There's a noise behind me and soon I feel Peter put his arms around me and hold me close, as he looks over my shoulder, out of the window, trying to figure out what I was looking at.

"Hey, sorry about that." he says softly.

"You did what you had to do." I say, turning round and drawing him into a kiss.

I know that it's true and it always will be now. He'll always have to do what he has to do, even if it means giving up special moments with me – but I understand that. I can live with that. I love him and everything else, all the problems, all the hassle is insignificant.

I do know though that it will always be a three-way relationship: Peter, me, and the rest of the world.

**A/N:- So what do you think? I never realised how good, liberating, different and hard it is to write in 1st POV! It's good because you can get all the thoughts in there but it's the linking which is hard. I appreciate all your feedback. :)**


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